Have you ever thought what differenciates women from men.. apart from anatomical differences.What puts women and men at the opposite ends of the table.I am not experienced enough to put forward innovative thoughts on the subject but to quote from life itself.Passive, lack of confidence and self esteem are variables that repeatedly differenciate women from men.The lack of confidence seems to follow us from childhood.Women in general tend to function below the level of their native abillity for reasons hat are both cultural and psychological-a system that really doesn't expect a great deal from us.As children , females are not taught to be assertive and independent: indeed they are taught to be nonassertive and dependent.The discouragement given to the young girls is to avoid anything that makes them anxious.By staying just the right amount small, and by controlling that balance very carefully, the woman can keep them both symbiotically merged and happy.Studies show that girls usually smart ones have severe problems in the area of self confidence. They consistently underestimate their own capabillty.Women who seek security in men generally choose husbands looking for the prince , somone who will rescue them from responsibillty .Give them a padestal high above the dangers of authentic living and they'll be happy just sitting there...having nothing to do but act wifely...obsessed with getting proof of how much they are loved, perceiving themselves as having a claim on male provided security.The myth is that: security , for women , lies in remaining forever and parmanently attached, coiled within and stuck to the "family" like mollusks within their shells.Aggressiveness, drive, and will to succeed are precisely those not wanted by most men in wives. they look for mere puppets who cannot function in the world with as much sophistication and independence as they.Women are reactors.Ours is not a stand-up, self generating position. We still make our primary decisions according to what "he" wants, what "he" will allow. because deep down we still see "him" as the "protector"Women make far greater personal adjustments, men have no intentions of changing the routines of their lives.They figure that basically they'll do the same things, think the same things- in general be the same person - only now they'll be married instead of being single.I remember once ... a woman tellin me that : "we become wives the same way become mothers. We are expected to change , to soften and blur what ever exists between "me" and "him", we are expected to merge, a re-definition of the self re-shaping of personality to conform to the wishes or needs or demands of husbands"
Heard another woman in her fifties describing her situation: "departure of the children was like a slap in the face, awakening me so rudely to the dumb servitude of my existence. What am i to do now? who would i be? for i am no one seperate and identifiable at all ; i have always been a part of "them"
Concluding my discussion i reject the phenomenon that there is saftey in fusion, i have no fears of growing up and standing alone.I dont want the vows to put me into a state of protective pseudo hatch...and give up on my identity as being "me" alone and no one else.
