An up and down ride...

Since my brain's on a constant up and down ride ...

Here it goes -

Life is not always your favourite piece of chocolate cake topped with a berry. Phobias are by far the major ingredient of our recipe " de la life" .

In our part of the world it seems to get even more intense . Being a lady the pressures to do well, to behave , to be docile , understanding , to grow up beautifully ( not just grow up ) ,to do exceptionally well at all the household chores , to be able to leave your home and adjust in a new environment , to be able to impress , make a space and then to claim it forvever.To lose an identity and adopt that of others.A bitter pill that is forced down the throat gently.

There is no one to be blamed , this is what we want for us , unless we are crazy enough to deny it and choose an alternate path.The sadness of leaving behind a dream life and head towards the responsibilities you take willingly or unwillingly.An odd anxiety that sneaks up every now and then , with jewellery to clothes to bedspreads to china to every minor detail...with beaming smiles and thudding hearts of the loved ones , lies the very basic fear. There is no one around you could share the feeling with , the parents might go kaboooooom " she's double minded , she doesn't want to go ahead with it " the friends might go " I told you so" and so on.. It's hard accepting the fact that sadness is very much there and it creeps up and grips us up so tight that it's hard to breathe. Marriage is the most precious day of our lives but to be sad , angry , anxious , nervous and even depressed at times is rightly justified , for we have lived a life in a certain way , "our" way , to give that up for something that we haven't had a sneak peak into ...is surely not easy.

Giving up , losing what we have adds up to the sense of "loss" which brings along unwanted feelings... We cut off ties and push away people that could have been closer otherwise to prepare ourselves mentally - knowing well they wouldn't be welcome afterwards. It is a time for us to say our goodbyes , to know that this is the last summer I am "Me" Next summer ,winter , autumn ..hence the entire life we would have to live according to the wishes of people , mould into a newer pattern and be happy about it too. Stepping into the unkown , letting go ...

It's ok to shedd a few tears , give up on HUGE illusions and to learn to accept things as they come to you , part of transforming and becoming a part of transition ..