Moods can be strange , my cat growled differently at me, my pigeons seem louder than usual , the dog has been howling in a perfect rythm , the dripping tap doesn't seem that irritating, ticking clock and my cell shrieks the usual ring tone " you're my honey bunch ....sugar plum etc etc " .
Took two days off work intentionally, planning things I wanted to catch up on...yet all I did was sleep and have mushy conversations with my better half - not bad actually .
Unflexing the taut and stressed out muscles is ok once in a while . A cup of steaming coffee , untouched , finger tracing the rims , a book half read lying on the bed , propping up on the elbows , lying flat on the stomach, swaying the legs .... wait a sec ? I actually enjoyed myself - been a while since I did that...
Certainly calls for a celebration - some pakoras maybe with loads of " anaar dana" init ..
I did pick up a canvas today ...just wasn't in an emotionally turbulant state , usually need that as a catalyst for some wild strokes.Well then it had to be a little singing , with the quietest corner found, I shyly uncoil the rusty strings in the throat. A few favourite nayyara noor ghazals , tina sani , nazia , vital signs , lata rafi ones ... enough .. let's wash the lounge floor ..crazy yet interesting..
Filled up a bucket , splash water on the marble , take the slippers off , need the cinda - freakin - rella act perfect and then moppin up ... goood ... as good as soul cleansing ...I wipe and wipe and wipe till the palms go sore..
Time to rest ... with a 45 + on the outsides , I draw the curtains , lie back , pick the book again...
Cat of nine tales hmmm why can't that shop keeper get me the prison diaries ..he keeps replacing the ones I buy , never adding anything new to the collection.
Throwing the book back , I grab " whitney my love" Hubba Hubba - this better be good , A woman needs to spoil herself at times . Half book read , excited to finish the rest ..even though the story is SO predictable ... I dose off... tucking myself in the sheets ..hugging the ol worn out teddy...
Waking up to the phone bell , not wanting to leave the warmth of the bed ...."hello - hello - hello " I hang up ,why the hell do they call when they don't want to speak up ...
I look at my image in the mirror-" you're asocial "
So what - " you're a lil messed up in the head too "
I know , I know ..only proves that am a genius -self- ego-boosting -mechanism...
How in the world did I settle for a relationship , amazing , never thought I could - I keep surprising myself ...and others probably ..
Most of my friends knew for sure I was going to die a bachelor or die of an ailment in a dark , moist room with no friends and family . All I did was betray them , step out of the league I so dearly loved and rubbed off a little dramma from their and my life.Not just did I settle for this "ONE" person , I actually stopped admiring good looking opposite gender.Good going! There was a time when after playing the charming docile lady for a while , I would kill the prey and feed it to the dusty pages of history and smile at it laters ...My sadistic tendencies came to a halt all of a sudden when I saw someone very dear suffer because of it.
To this date , I have never understood what rolling along with the momentum of life mean, is it to be who we are , age , achieve , lose and die? Or is it living in an illusion ,grabbing what we can ,taking chances , growing into layers and layers of years , memories , regrets , letting the grains of sand creep away from the cracks between the fingers and a voice that weakens as it goes far away...
Coming back to where I was - it is in these moments that these strange questions stop bothering me as I purge them out of the system ...A load off my chest , time well spent..
