Q U E S T

When the evening falls , the light merges into the dark..as in life in the hands of death and happiness in the hands of sorrow.It's like the nature chooses one over the other , the spraying of the night sky with a millions of specs like little people giggling and illuminating a dark hallway..shapes forming , elephants and zebras and a mother holding a baby ..illusions.Squinting and squeezing the lids to watch the light dance and touchin the rays with the tip of the finger to make them dissapear.Lying down , questioning the questions ..the dark secrets and tombs of the history..the answers lying in the present , the future..extracting bits and pieces from the past. A confusing conflict , one thought consuming the other..Skeptically going through all the details of thought process , ifs and buts and wishes..Keep bombarding the brain with more quests , losing touch with the reality.Misleading , faking ..to be what the mind has fabled up ,yearning to be found ..we deliberately drift into a sleep of ignorance..sweet lies and world of dreams..stay helplessly at peace , numb and empty.Devoid of soul ..

Crave

Crave for more,
Life?
No
I weigh my woe..
Do u?
No
It hurts to live,
Years pile up,
One over the other..
Moons and suns,
Seasons without you,
and yet i crave for more,
More than life,
My eyes give me a faded vision,
My heart a faded emotion,
I dont keep track of time,
The ticking of the clock mocks,
Return to me what i have given u,
Bring me back... ME,if u can;
My own cries seem distant to me,
An echo to what i was,
The sky is gray with hate,
Time standing still,
I cannot step ahead ,
Nor do i look back...
I build a wall,
a line,
Dry burning eyes,
I stand in my own way,
These words are the ones i wish to speak,
But do i?
No
It is hard shouting out with voices that go unheard,
But do i hear them myself?
No
I close the common doors,
Insight to me,
The key to look through me..
Let me crave alone, till the end,
Just something that makes me go on.

Hand in hand..

lets walk till the end of the world,
through opal mist and yellow green canaopy,
lets walk hand in hand with feet not touching the ground,
smile and float in a bubble,
you and me ,
me and you,
together , when waves lap at the shores leaving the sand moist,
waves clinging on to the shore and the shore clinging on the waves,
lets walk till we meet the moon and the stars,
lets become a part of it all ,
you and me,
me and you

back to life

Bring me back to life,
be an intimate shadow,
be me,
the crease of my palms,
the scent of my skin,
the core of my existence,
the strength that puts shards o me together,
be the whisper o my quivering lips on a winter's eve,
be the moon of all the ebony nights,
be the words to my silence,
the tune that the strings on my harp sing,
be an endless dream till the end,
be my soul,
be me , be me..

Unmarried And Happy...

Have you ever thought what differenciates women from men.. apart from anatomical differences.What puts women and men at the opposite ends of the table.I am not experienced enough to put forward innovative thoughts on the subject but to quote from life itself.Passive, lack of confidence and self esteem are variables that repeatedly differenciate women from men.The lack of confidence seems to follow us from childhood.Women in general tend to function below the level of their native abillity for reasons hat are both cultural and psychological-a system that really doesn't expect a great deal from us.As children , females are not taught to be assertive and independent: indeed they are taught to be nonassertive and dependent.The discouragement given to the young girls is to avoid anything that makes them anxious.By staying just the right amount small, and by controlling that balance very carefully, the woman can keep them both symbiotically merged and happy.Studies show that girls usually smart ones have severe problems in the area of self confidence. They consistently underestimate their own capabillty.Women who seek security in men generally choose husbands looking for the prince , somone who will rescue them from responsibillty .Give them a padestal high above the dangers of authentic living and they'll be happy just sitting there...having nothing to do but act wifely...obsessed with getting proof of how much they are loved, perceiving themselves as having a claim on male provided security.The myth is that: security , for women , lies in remaining forever and parmanently attached, coiled within and stuck to the "family" like mollusks within their shells.Aggressiveness, drive, and will to succeed are precisely those not wanted by most men in wives. they look for mere puppets who cannot function in the world with as much sophistication and independence as they.Women are reactors.Ours is not a stand-up, self generating position. We still make our primary decisions according to what "he" wants, what "he" will allow. because deep down we still see "him" as the "protector"Women make far greater personal adjustments, men have no intentions of changing the routines of their lives.They figure that basically they'll do the same things, think the same things- in general be the same person - only now they'll be married instead of being single.I remember once ... a woman tellin me that : "we become wives the same way become mothers. We are expected to change , to soften and blur what ever exists between "me" and "him", we are expected to merge, a re-definition of the self re-shaping of personality to conform to the wishes or needs or demands of husbands"
Heard another woman in her fifties describing her situation: "departure of the children was like a slap in the face, awakening me so rudely to the dumb servitude of my existence. What am i to do now? who would i be? for i am no one seperate and identifiable at all ; i have always been a part of "them"
Concluding my discussion i reject the phenomenon that there is saftey in fusion, i have no fears of growing up and standing alone.I dont want the vows to put me into a state of protective pseudo hatch...and give up on my identity as being "me" alone and no one else.

dark is the night...

dark is the night, darkest is the inner core of thoughts,i'll let silence prevail,let unsaid be unheard...n unknown be n unsolved sphinx,paler the moon gets,louder u hear the howling,stay silent n let the night sing to u,tenderly and melodiously,let the headless shadows dance to the mysterious beats,in the fog of dread,sway into arms,that never show,whispering wind wandering aimlessly,shrink ur existence into the aura,where u merge into the night..and the nightly darkness merges into u...

search

Only when i let the colors slip through my fingers,my soul flies back to me....
in the criss cross of lines , i try to find a line that holds the truth..
i smear dark shades of blues and reds merging them into each other, trying to get hold of my life..
rubbing my thumb over the bark of a tree , tracing its texture..
i crave for more, the nature ...its serenity..
a human form sketched at the last page of my sketch pad...a figure bowing..
i search for the voice within...shrill and yet sacred...
i rush my brush strokes blindly...
coats of paint overlapping,
i add in more colors to feed my hungry thoughts..
the unspeakable ..speaks volumes through the curves and twists..
the tree and the pigeons...the huge blades of yellow green barley..
i paint with the hands which dont belong to me..
they move with a thought of their own..
goin to where the brush takes them...
stroke after storke i stand in a trance, with my feet numb..
i drop my arms , close my eyes and surrender my existence..to the moment..